Public Family Feuding

The infamous photo of Jay-Z, Beyonce and Solange Knowles after Met Gala 2014 

There is footage circulating the Internet involving a feud that happened between Beyoncé’s younger sister, Solange Knowles and Jay-Z in an elevator after the Met Gala 2014. I have not yet watched this footage, nor do I plan to, as I’m a big fan of Solange, her music and obviously Beyoncé. Since the feud occurred in a private, enclosed space like an elevator, I am doubtful the footage was meant for public viewing. Especially since the recorded footage shows a bodyguard intentionally stopping the elevator before it reaches the ground where paparazzi were waiting. Additionally given how private Jay-Z and Beyoncé are known to be, it further builds my assumption the footage was never meant for the public to watch, make or share judgement.

Beyoncé & Solange Knowles

Family can be a complicated thing. Unfortunately you cannot always choose your family and have to make do with what you have. I have experienced all sorts of family dysfunctionality and many family feuds. I grew up with a difficult grandmother I didn’t speak to for four years prior to her death. She once unprovokingly called me a ‘piece of dirt’ to my brother, which confused and upset me and once addressed me in a birthday card as a ‘stranger’ from some unbeknownst reason. She also picked a fight with my father (her son) saying ‘he was a mistake’, regretted having him, and the list could go on. I also have an older brother I do not speak of, as my family and I had a massive falling out with him after an accumulation events.

Solange & Beyoncé with mother, Tina Knowles (centre) 

Growing up with him was difficult. He was a vindictive person who always believed he to be the innocent victim. He never took responsibility of his own actions and always felt necessary to seek revenge on those who ‘crossed’ him. He also had an incredibly low self-esteem and often found strength by intentionally belittling everyone around him to make himself feel superior.

When the feud initially occurred between him, my family and I, I barely spoke to anyone about it except for a couple of close-knit friends of mine. Otherwise I kept very quiet and private about the whole ordeal because it was all we ever spoke about at home, it was upsetting and I didn’t want everyone knowing of my personal drama out of respect for my family. Furthermore the feud was emotionally damaging for everyone involved, made me feel helpless as there was nothing I could do in my situation but let the feud run its course and support my family.

Although I do not know what caused the feud between Solange Knowles and Jay-Z and refuse to watch the footage, I know how personal family feuds are and how emotionally damaging they can be. Furthermore the only people aware of the situation are those involved, thus I think it is incredibly poor taste that members of the public are shaming and sharing negative judgements of the event as well as ridiculing the parties involved. There is a great chance that those involved in the feud wanted it to be kept it private. Therefore those who leaked the elevator footage to the public should be shamed on themselves for adding fuel to the fire by creating a public spectacle and aggravating the parties involved. Shame on you! Simply let the  parties involved resolves issues in peace and privacy away from the public eye.

What are your thoughts?

#BeyoncéWouldBeProud x

Self Marriage: What happens when it come to Self-Divorce?

Last week I spoke of the joys of marrying yourself, which is something I one day aspire doing. Now please do not get me wrong thinking I want to marry myself with anticipation of divorcing myself later on. I have never wed anyone in my life, but the thought of going through the divorce process would be taxing, both emotionally and financially on both parties involved. Also it is not healthy to plan for marriage thinking ‘I’ll just divorce you when I feel like it’.

Thank you for the inspiration of Self-Marriage, Chen Wen-yih. You go girl!!

Usually when I get swept away in blissful, empowering thoughts of marrying myself (yes, it happens more than once a day), a destructive thought invades my mind questioning how one would go about divorcing themselves.

Usually when someone ‘puts a ring on it’, you wed with the intent of spending the rest of your life with that person. Of course things get in the way like adultery, deep dark secrets relieved like gambling, alcohol problems or a serial killer past, or the (sometimes) inevitable factor of growing apart. When you wed yourself though, you should general know all your flaws and secrets better than any monogamous or polygamous couple. (HA! The benefits of sologamy!) You cannot keep secrets about yourself from yourself, you cannot withhold information from yourself, nor can you purchase that pair of expensive boots you’ve been eyeing off, hide them in your closet and pretend that you bought them ages ago! Unless of course you have selective amnesia, then anything is possible.

However what if you start learning too much about yourself, feel overwhelmed, or experience that sometimes inevitable growing apart from yourself, just like any monogamous or polygamous couple can? Is it possible to fall so hard out of love with yourself that you need “conscious uncoupling” from yourself?

Honestly I couldn’t imagine that, but I was curious to know what other people’s thoughts were of my conundrum. Asking one friend the question, she wore a delighted smile on her face and responded ‘at least the divorce would be short and sweet!’ True, except it probably all depends how severe the person’s split personality syndrome was. What if it was so bad they legitimately needed to divorce themselves? I feel like this conundrum is far more radical than the notion of marrying yourself, which honestly I think is perfectly sane, normal, healthy and should be a freely accepted human right amongst all citizens. Especially to liberate young people to build their self-confidence. I just hope my idol Chen Wen-yih never decides to divorce herself.

What are your thoughts on Self Marriage and Divorce?

#BeyoncéWouldBeProud x

Love Myself, Marry Thyself

Many moons ago, I dated a close friend of mine. While I liked the guy, he often ridiculed me for not investing in any of my hobbies or interests*. Although I lacked the self-respect and confidence back then, I knew no one should ever be made to feel guilty for not taking up their own interests, so I decided to give him the flick as well as a polite-yet-effective way of saying ‘fuck you and good riddance’ by focusing on the most important person in my life. Me.

Since him, I’ve been in a happily committed ‘sologamist’ relationship with myself. My sologamist relationship has only strengthened over time as I strongly support and encourage myself to do things that make me happy and that I love, like playing soccer, singing classes and solo international travels to non-English speaking countries. The time I have spent on myself as well as my experiences have only strengthened the love, bond and appreciation I have for myself as well as the freedom I have.

Now at an age where friends are settling down with their long-term partners, moving in, having mortgages, babies and focusing on their careers, I often ‘joke’ with them that I’d most likely marry myself if I could. However I have come to the realisation that it isn’t such a bad idea. I have dated many men who’ve failed to provide me with the respect and appreciation I deserve. They also cannot love or spoil me quite like I do for myself. Nor do I expect them to.  I mean I buy myself expensive things like return flights overseas! So I do not expect that of any man I date, although it would be nice.

If anything I feel empowered as the person who knows myself best. I enjoy my own company and laugh at my own jokes. All. The. Time! Any of my friends would endearingly agree. I am so comfortable in my own company that I can happily keep myself entertained for hours. 

Furthermore I figure if Carrie Bradshaw can marry herself all for a pair of replacement Manolo Blahnik’s heels in “A Woman’s Right to Shoes”, surely I could declare love for myself by 'putting a ring on it'. Also if Chen Wei-yih can be the first woman in the world to wed herself in Taiwan, then call me game!

"When I look back at my self-commitment marriage ceremony, I am reminded that I shouldn't betray myself in any way or at any time" - Chen Wei-yi

Perhaps ridiculous, but I would love to read your thoughts!

Next week’s blog: The problems of marrying yourself.

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* I often found his persona intimidating; if he wanted to go out and do something, he would. In my eyes he appeared self-actualised and fulfilled. Even though I remember on one occasion getting a call from him in Sydney to tell me whilst on a bender, that he decided to leave a party early, catch a cab to Melbourne Airport in the early hours of the morning and buy an impulse flight to his destination. Each to their own, but his impulsiveness and fondness of drugs would never make him quality boyfriend material.