Self Marriage: What happens when it come to Self-Divorce?

Last week I spoke of the joys of marrying yourself, which is something I one day aspire doing. Now please do not get me wrong thinking I want to marry myself with anticipation of divorcing myself later on. I have never wed anyone in my life, but the thought of going through the divorce process would be taxing, both emotionally and financially on both parties involved. Also it is not healthy to plan for marriage thinking ‘I’ll just divorce you when I feel like it’.

Thank you for the inspiration of Self-Marriage, Chen Wen-yih. You go girl!!

Usually when I get swept away in blissful, empowering thoughts of marrying myself (yes, it happens more than once a day), a destructive thought invades my mind questioning how one would go about divorcing themselves.

Usually when someone ‘puts a ring on it’, you wed with the intent of spending the rest of your life with that person. Of course things get in the way like adultery, deep dark secrets relieved like gambling, alcohol problems or a serial killer past, or the (sometimes) inevitable factor of growing apart. When you wed yourself though, you should general know all your flaws and secrets better than any monogamous or polygamous couple. (HA! The benefits of sologamy!) You cannot keep secrets about yourself from yourself, you cannot withhold information from yourself, nor can you purchase that pair of expensive boots you’ve been eyeing off, hide them in your closet and pretend that you bought them ages ago! Unless of course you have selective amnesia, then anything is possible.

However what if you start learning too much about yourself, feel overwhelmed, or experience that sometimes inevitable growing apart from yourself, just like any monogamous or polygamous couple can? Is it possible to fall so hard out of love with yourself that you need “conscious uncoupling” from yourself?

Honestly I couldn’t imagine that, but I was curious to know what other people’s thoughts were of my conundrum. Asking one friend the question, she wore a delighted smile on her face and responded ‘at least the divorce would be short and sweet!’ True, except it probably all depends how severe the person’s split personality syndrome was. What if it was so bad they legitimately needed to divorce themselves? I feel like this conundrum is far more radical than the notion of marrying yourself, which honestly I think is perfectly sane, normal, healthy and should be a freely accepted human right amongst all citizens. Especially to liberate young people to build their self-confidence. I just hope my idol Chen Wen-yih never decides to divorce herself.

What are your thoughts on Self Marriage and Divorce?

#BeyoncéWouldBeProud x

Love Myself, Marry Thyself

Many moons ago, I dated a close friend of mine. While I liked the guy, he often ridiculed me for not investing in any of my hobbies or interests*. Although I lacked the self-respect and confidence back then, I knew no one should ever be made to feel guilty for not taking up their own interests, so I decided to give him the flick as well as a polite-yet-effective way of saying ‘fuck you and good riddance’ by focusing on the most important person in my life. Me.

Since him, I’ve been in a happily committed ‘sologamist’ relationship with myself. My sologamist relationship has only strengthened over time as I strongly support and encourage myself to do things that make me happy and that I love, like playing soccer, singing classes and solo international travels to non-English speaking countries. The time I have spent on myself as well as my experiences have only strengthened the love, bond and appreciation I have for myself as well as the freedom I have.

Now at an age where friends are settling down with their long-term partners, moving in, having mortgages, babies and focusing on their careers, I often ‘joke’ with them that I’d most likely marry myself if I could. However I have come to the realisation that it isn’t such a bad idea. I have dated many men who’ve failed to provide me with the respect and appreciation I deserve. They also cannot love or spoil me quite like I do for myself. Nor do I expect them to.  I mean I buy myself expensive things like return flights overseas! So I do not expect that of any man I date, although it would be nice.

If anything I feel empowered as the person who knows myself best. I enjoy my own company and laugh at my own jokes. All. The. Time! Any of my friends would endearingly agree. I am so comfortable in my own company that I can happily keep myself entertained for hours. 

Furthermore I figure if Carrie Bradshaw can marry herself all for a pair of replacement Manolo Blahnik’s heels in “A Woman’s Right to Shoes”, surely I could declare love for myself by 'putting a ring on it'. Also if Chen Wei-yih can be the first woman in the world to wed herself in Taiwan, then call me game!

"When I look back at my self-commitment marriage ceremony, I am reminded that I shouldn't betray myself in any way or at any time" - Chen Wei-yi

Perhaps ridiculous, but I would love to read your thoughts!

Next week’s blog: The problems of marrying yourself.

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* I often found his persona intimidating; if he wanted to go out and do something, he would. In my eyes he appeared self-actualised and fulfilled. Even though I remember on one occasion getting a call from him in Sydney to tell me whilst on a bender, that he decided to leave a party early, catch a cab to Melbourne Airport in the early hours of the morning and buy an impulse flight to his destination. Each to their own, but his impulsiveness and fondness of drugs would never make him quality boyfriend material.