Unlike most years for Halloween, this year was
different. An American girlfriend of mine was feeling nostalgic and wanted to
get into the festive spirit of it all and themed her October 31st
Birthday around it.
Initially my friend - knowing that I am a
Beyoncé fan - suggested that I purchase a shirt saying, “I woke up like this”
and rock up in the pyjamas. I was definitely enthused by her idea but thought
I’d like to take it a step further. So I suggested I could dress up as ‘All the
Single Ladies (Put a ring on it)’ Yoncé! She laughed, said that was awesome,
“but will you be comfortable? I mean, it is quite risqué!”
I shrugged her off saying that ‘of course I’ll comfortable, I’mma be Yoncé’!
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| Beyoncé in all her glory |
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Flash forward a few weeks later when I was
actually in store trying on black leotards, channelling my future Beyoncé. I
finally came to the realisation of what my friend meant by being “risqué”.
Alas, it was too late! Not only was I committed, but also dedicated and excited!
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| The Leotard |
I booked the hair appointment, got my gradual
tanning lotion out and religiously started watching ‘All The Single Ladies’ for
make-up and Yoncé-spiration (pronounced yons-per-ration).
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| Phase Two: The Hair |
The night came and I successfully transformed
from Leah into my sassy, bootylicious alter ego, Leyoncé Fierce. I channelled
my inner diva, relinquished her from her cage and bitch, was I fierce! So I
thought, why not share with you what I learnt from being Yoncé:
No Pants, No Worries
My biggest concern being Yoncé was the black leotard
and how much of me would be on show. I almost never leave home without my pants
on, but this was one of those rare occasions that called for it.
I have come to learn that there is nothing like
liquid confidence or liquid courage. So I strategically decided to apply my
make up prior to alcoholic consumption (FYI ladies, applying make up drunk is
never a wise idea, Jenna Marbles can explain).
Once my make up was done, I put my leotard on,
along with a skirt to cover myself up. After having a couple of wines and
travellers in the car, my friends and I arrived to the party, where I literally
unzipped my skirt in the middle of the street, threw it in the car and said, “I
won’t be needing that!” I then strutted into the party with my friends behind
laughing at my ridiculous diva attitude, probably wondering where the hell it
came from.
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| Leyoncé Fierce's transformation complete |
Bow Down Bitches
For the most part, it was pretty obvious to
partygoers who I was. However one party patron politely asked who I was, so I
flashed her a smile, showed off my hand jewels, hair, modelled my black leotard
and even briefly attempted the ‘Single Ladies’ dance. She shrugged saying,
“ergh, I don’t know? Ariana Grande?” … *Cue jaw-dropping shock*
I CANNOT even express my disappointment through
words! I gasped, lowered my voice and asked, “Do you even know who I am!? BOW
DOWN BITCH!”
… This must be how Beyoncé feels when she wants
to be recognised by the media but gets confused as being a homeless bum. I’m
sure it doesn’t happen often, but that was exactly how I felt.
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